The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.
Recently I posted some song lyrics from the Beatles: “All the lonely people, where do they all come from?” The response from readers was immediate and deeply emotional. The fact remains that most people walk around with this little voice in their head that wants to shout out to everyone around them, “PLEASE LIKE ME!”
And no wonder.
We all want to be loved and liked and treasured. The challenge arises when we don’t know how and by whom we want to be adored. If you will simply determine who and what you want in your life, this is the first step to making your relationship dreams a reality. A word of warning: I’m not talking about you simply sitting around and manifesting your perfect mate with the powers of your imagination. I’m suggesting there are solid and proven techniques that you can put to use immediately that will get you off your behind and out into the world around you to create the relationships you demand.
STEP ONE. Determine the specific type of relationship you want to have. Do you want a lover? Do you want a BFF? Do you want a networking or collaborative partnership? Get clear. What type of connection is missing in your life? There might be many gaps that need to be filled in. Just choose one right now to work on so that you understand the mechanics I am offering. So . . . take some time and write out precisely what’s important for you in a relationship. By writing your needs down, you make a commitment to having them as a reality.
STEP TWO. Determine precisely with whom you want to have a relationship. Most people go through life reacting to and making allowances for other people. We become pleasant at the risk of losing our effectiveness. Curiously, many of us fail to see that the weakest part of our lives is directly contributed to (if not wholly caused by) the weakest of our so-called friends. How many of you have people attached to you who have no problem asking you for a favor but disappear when you need some help? And yet you keep them around. How many of you change you’re own plans for success to suit your idea of being well-mannered? Part of getting real with yourself is understanding that many of your friends and lovers and even family have become a shifting line in the sand for you. And it has to stop. Once you know the type of relationship you want (from Step One), write out – in as much detail as possible – the type of person you want to have a relationship with.
STEP THREE. Describe exactly what you can give to your friends. When I hear some people teach aspects of “The Secret” or “The Law of Attraction” I am bewildered that they miss one crucial aspect to manifesting any intent: GIVING OF YOURSELF, FIRST. Once you have completed Steps One and Two, you must determine what you are willing to personally give to others (your time, services, money, actions, etc.) in order to have the relationship and person of your dreams. And then you have to immediately start giving what you’ve identified and I mean giving it liberally and freely. Most people – if they know what type of relationship they want and with whom they want it – are content to wait for those things to come to them. Step Three is so powerful because it requires you to go out into the world and start giving of yourself even before you get what you want. The cool thing about Step Three is that, when you start giving in advance of getting, doors start to open for you like never before.
STEP FOUR. Constantly reassess the types of relationships and people you want in your life. Your life is not static and neither are the people in it. Your relationships and the people in your life ought to be nurturing, mentoring, and loving. Merely completing Steps One through Three will not sustain you in the long run. You must continually be vigilant about the type of support system you want around you. And, when you determine that a relationship or person is not serving you well, then you need to change it or them. This does not mean, by the way, simply walking away from someone. Rather, you may have to sit down with a person and talk to them; engaging in a conversation (that’s right – talk not email, text, post, or poke) where your mutual needs and wants are aired, understood, and taken to heart. Imagine how you life would be different if everyone in your close circle of family and friends knew what was important for you and you knew what was important for them and each of you simply wanted that for each other.
Choosing your relationships with power and precision is how you become effective, successful, and happy. You now have the wisdom to define and adopt personal relations that will sustain you.
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