The essence of true friendship is to make allowance for another’s little lapses.
– David Storey
When you make allowances for someone or something, you make adjustments in your own situation, temperament, or expectations. In other words, your line in the sand keeps getting moved or crossed or both. In many cases, making allowances really means you are settling for something other than what you want; you are compromising or getting into a give-and-take situation. Ask yourself: How many times during any given month do I settle for someone or something other than what I desire? Now ask: Is my tolerance really serving me well in all situations?
If you make an honest assessment of your allowances and come to the conclusion that (1) you’re being taken advantage of, (2) you’re a doormat, or (3) your generosity and giving in is holding you back from realizing your own dreams, then you’re ready for a change. Don’t worry – you can still be nice (I know that’s important to some of you) while still being self-assured and self-assertive. Remember – you deserve success and have a personal obligation to make that success happen for you and your family. There is nothing wrong with placing your own needs first so long as they serve you well and don’t maliciously harm anyone.
So, are you ready to stop sacrificing your dreams, beliefs, and goals? Are you willing to take the steps necessary to teach others how to treat you? More importantly, are you finally ready to teach yourself how to treat yourself better? When you make the commitment to stop making allowances you will begin to get realize ambitions – you will begin to get Life’s allowance and your fair share of success.
SIX STEPS TO GETTING YOUR OWN ALLOWANCE IN LIFE
STEP ONE. Understand that making allowances is fine when it serves you well. Most of the time, however, when you defend, explain away, or make excuses for someone else, you are really trivializing your own needs. It’s time to put yourself and the needs of your family first.
STEP TWO. Determine whether your expectations are sensible for you in the first place. If you are setting expectations too high, then you are constantly going to find yourself lowering them in order to deflect disappointment. Understand, I want you to set goals that seem impossible for others. That only becomes challenging when they seem impossible to you, too. Make a real assessment of your intentions.
STEP THREE. Realize that what you want in life is just as important as what anyone else might want. You can’t control them. But you can control you. Start treating yourself with more respect!
STEP FOUR. Appreciate that you can be assertive without being rude. You might find some value in looking through David Hawkin’s book, Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior.
STEP FIVE. Learn to say, “no, that’s not acceptable.” Things are not going to change on their own. You are not going to cure anyone. Things are going to change when you take firm stands. Cures occur when you proclaim an intention and stay the course.
STEP SIX. Make a list of all the allowances you make for others and the reasons for the leeway given. When you actually see what you’re doing in black-and-white, you get a clearer picture and perspective of what you have been doing all this time.
Once you implement the steps that you determine you need in your life, you suddenly find that Life starts handing you more attainment at regular intervals and in accordance with your dreams, goals, and intentions. You see, the Six Steps I’ve outlined for you are really about success management. It is about decision making. And it is a choice you make to link your your goals with the boundaries that you set.
Consistency, by the way, is the real secret to a sustainable allowance in life. Once you choose any or all of the Six Steps to follow, you must follow through on where that step leads you.
Now, go out and be marvelous!
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